Bitchin' Book Title But...

...it ain't gonna sell to nymphomaniac smokers.

Poor little nymphomaniac smokers.

Won't somebody think of the nymphomaniac smokers?

Hope you haven't busted Lil'est Sis' arse too badly. She sort of cheered up the last few days...I think.

Being a nymphomanic smoker myself, I'd buy it.

And re: Lil'est Sis: When I asked her how the trip was, she said, "Fun." When asked if she had a good time, she said, "Yes." When asked what she did, she said, "Ummm..."

It takes a well-oiled crowbar to have a conversation with her.

So, what DID you guys do over there?

Love 'er...

...but I'm gonna feckin' smack Lil'est Sis when i get 'ome in 15 minutes. The turkey print will rival the former trihawk.

Then I'm gonna take back my keys and force her to stay out of the flat all day tomorrow until sunset.

If yer gonna sit on yer arse watching the English cable channels all day WHILE IN ROME, of course yer gonna be 'omesick.

This post brought to you by Halfassedarsed Cockney Accents R Us

So. Many. Things. To. Say...

1.) Threaten to make her scrub the bathrooms. That'll make her go outside.
2.) Is this her way of pouting since Ma didn't let her change the ticket?
3.) Tell her I want my effin' money back, since it was an apparent waste of cash Next time, if she doesn't want to go, she should say something before the damn thing is bought.
4.) Also, tell her that "wet blanket" syndrome doesn't run in our family, and to grow the fuck up.

On second thought, don't say No. 3, but you have full license to tell her Middle Sis is fuming over here on the other side of the Atlantic.

And your Cockney accent is dead sexy, sweetie.

If We Were Speaking in Hypotheticals...

...I would reaaaallly have no sisterly advice to give you on this one, darling. I tried everything short of being a raving homicidal pyschotic, and look where that got me. Heh.

But since I know the Fuckwit In Question, I'd say ignoring him is the first step, followed by a restraining order and a baseball bat or two weilded by some hefty Texans I know.

Violence would be the last resort. And I could threaten him with "action" from Our Least Favorite Uncle. That always seemed to make him pee his pants.

Seeing how you and Shithead (sorry...S.O.) have, erm, worked things out (subtext for you readers out there: fucked things out), if I should ever go insane and want to reconnect with Fuckwit I'll know who to go to for advice. There's a more likely chance of winning the lottery and being struck by lightening on the same day, though. (The reconnect aspect, not the advice, that is.)

You're right on the reconnect with Fuckwit aspect. Though now that I think about it, I sort of knew Fuckwit better than you knew Shithead.

And I am soooo in trouble, sis. ShitheadSO called mid-afternoon and sang a little song about how he was missing me right now.

AND I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE

Am. So. Fucked.

And not in the normal nookie sense of the word.

...I sort of knew Fuckwit better than you knew Shithead.

An unfortunate thing, in both regards. It would be nice to actually talk to the man that screws your brains out, if only for the stories about squirrel noises and wet spots. ;)

AND I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE

Yup. You're fucked. Will you post the song at least, so I can snigger and laugh?

I'm really not one to talk, though. I'm on cloud nine after just having lunch with you-know-who. (Actual food, not a nooner, perv.) Smack me.

Learn well, Grasshopper

I was glad to hear that Lil'est Sis made it safely, though Ma said there may be a problem with the luggage. Go figure.

Still, it's a momentous if not exciting time for her to be there - just out of school, just broke up with The Mopiest Boy Humanity Has Ever Known, and with the world and pilgrims focused on that very place for an event that rarely happens. Find her a lively Italian teenage boy. Make her speak only the native language. Teach her to drive a motorino. Have her tweak Curly's nipples (in a platonic way, of course).

School her well. And not with vodka/redbulls, either. Or if you do, I want pictures of the aftermath the next morning (afternoon?).

Oh, and FYI - she was wondering about the tattoo age/prices in Rome.

Oh yes. I've already been informed she wants (eventually) four tattoos. I told her that if she does get one while her it better be hidden, otherwise Ma's gonna kill me & Dad's gonna do the same with whatever remains.

I think Fiumicino airport hates we Sisters Three. They lost your bags, my bags, & now Twerpy's.

Find her a lively Italian teenage boy. Will do.
Make her speak only the native language. Will do, after the jetlag has worn off.
Teach her to drive a motorino. Fuck I gotta teach myself first.
Have her tweak Curly's nipples (in a platonic way, of course). She's already been warned on what to do when he grabs her tits
School her well. Right. Like younger sisters listen to older sisters *ahem*
And not with vodka/redbulls, either. Awwww....
Or if you do, I want pictures of the aftermath the next morning (afternoon?). Done. Apparently she has 3 disposable cameras; 1 for Ma, 1 for Dad, & 1 for herself.